[ASLM] hmmmmmm

[h***@prexar.com]

i have this hunch that someone we haven't heard from in a *long* time is
lurking around the place.
sarah heather cardin
boots taking off for work
http://www.pacificviews.org
http://magpieblog.blogspot.com

Helga? EL(tm)????? Ooooo.... maybe an infusion of energy? I've been
sapped lately, though the obnoxious housemate who occupies the phone and my
computer 24/7 is supposed to be (today at least), moving to PA at the end of
the week. The plans keep changing and it's quite a roller coaster ride.
Suffice it to say, my finances keep me trapped at the house and her presence
makes that unsufferable. Looking forward to sunny skies ahead.

Steph
state lady shoes dogging it at work

[s***@europa.com]

Post by h***@prexar.com

i have this hunch that someone we haven't heard from in a *long* time is
lurking around the place.

Helga? EL(tm)????? Ooooo.... maybe an infusion of energy?

something tells me that the mystery guest could be transatlantic. but then
i've been wrong before.

Post by h***@prexar.com
I've been
sapped lately, though the obnoxious housemate who occupies the phone and my
computer 24/7 is supposed to be (today at least), moving to PA at the end of
the week. The plans keep changing and it's quite a roller coaster ride.
Suffice it to say, my finances keep me trapped at the house and her presence
makes that unsufferable. Looking forward to sunny skies ahead.

i just relocated (temporarily) to seattle for a job. there's just no work
in my field in portland now. hopefully i'll find something in portland
when this job ends at the end of august ... so i've been not posting to
aslm or to either of my blogs because of all the work finding a place to
live and then getting settled. i got lucky and found a really nice house
share in the ballard neighborhood, just a couple of blocks from puget
sound. there's a good place to go play irish music within a mile or so,
which is a big deal for me ...

oh, and i went to the fremont solstice parade on saturday and got a great
picture of VP cheney [grin]. (fremont is another neighborhood. they
believe they are in the center of the universe, which could be true.)

sarah heather cardin
boots goofing off at work

[Heather Malcolm]

Tun tun ra ta ra ra!!!!

EL(tm) hobbles in, peers around dustily says Hi!, then stumbles back out
again

Heather
Happy to be back bare feet
----- Original Message -----
From: <***@europa.com>
Newsgroups: alt.shoe.lesbians.moderated
To: <undisclosed-recipients:>
Sent: Monday, June 21, 2004 6:49 PM
Subject: Re: [ASLM] hmmmmmm

Post by s***@europa.com

Post by h***@prexar.com

i have this hunch that someone we haven't heard from in a *long* time is
lurking around the place.

Helga? EL(tm)????? Ooooo.... maybe an infusion of energy?

something tells me that the mystery guest could be transatlantic. but then
i've been wrong before.

Post by h***@prexar.com
I've been
sapped lately, though the obnoxious housemate who occupies the phone and my
computer 24/7 is supposed to be (today at least), moving to PA at the

end

Post by s***@europa.com

Post by h***@prexar.com
of
the week. The plans keep changing and it's quite a roller coaster ride.
Suffice it to say, my finances keep me trapped at the house and her presence
makes that unsufferable. Looking forward to sunny skies ahead.

i just relocated (temporarily) to seattle for a job. there's just no work
in my field in portland now. hopefully i'll find something in portland
when this job ends at the end of august ... so i've been not posting to
aslm or to either of my blogs because of all the work finding a place to
live and then getting settled. i got lucky and found a really nice house
share in the ballard neighborhood, just a couple of blocks from puget
sound. there's a good place to go play irish music within a mile or so,
which is a big deal for me ...
oh, and i went to the fremont solstice parade on saturday and got a great
picture of VP cheney [grin]. (fremont is another neighborhood. they
believe they are in the center of the universe, which could be true.)
sarah heather cardin
boots goofing off at work
--
-----------------------------
ASLM is a moderated newsgroup.
Our webpage is at http://www.shoelesbians.com
The archive is at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/aslm_archive/

[Heather Rose Jones]

Post by Heather Malcolm
Tun tun ra ta ra ra!!!!
EL(tm) hobbles in, peers around dustily says Hi!, then stumbles back out
again

Surely we can come up with an emergency that will entice EL to stick
around? Perhaps we could discover Weapons of Mass Destruction under
the bar or something.

Heather
(have I mentioned that I'm wearing permanently employed shoes now? I
forget -- haven't posted much lately)
--
****
Heather Rose Jones
***@earthlink.net
****

[Chris Waigl]

[this one might show up twice. sarahc says it didn't get through the
first time 'round.]

Post by Heather Malcolm
Tun tun ra ta ra ra!!!!
EL(tm) hobbles in, peers around dustily says Hi!, then stumbles back
out again

<sleepy smile> Oh, you know, there's more than one transatlantic
lurking shoe hobbling around.

Chris
battered shoe
--
All email to the above address will be binned. Should you wish to
contact me, use my real one. -- Tout email envoyé à l'adresse
ci-dessus ira à la poubelle. Utilisez pluôt l'adresse suivante. --
Email an die obige Adresse landet im Müll. Ihr könnt mich unter
folgender Adresse erreichen.

----> c w a i g l / aT / f r e e / pOiNt / f r <----

[s***@europa.com]

i forgot to put the url for the cheney picture in my reply to steph. it's
here: http://www.pacificviews.org/weblog/archives/000212.html

it's probably not safe for work ...

sarah heather cardin
penitent boots

[kathleen]

I've been sapped lately, though the obnoxious housemate who
occupies the phone and my computer 24/7 is supposed to be
(today at least), moving to PA at the end of the week. The plans
keep changing and it's quite a roller coaster ride.

know what I'm really looking forwar to? (not)

my kids coming home from college, having parties, using (expensive)
utilities, keeping me awake at night, raiding the fridge, breaking
things, leaving messes, leaving the gate open so my dog escapes,
leaving cigarette butts in the driveway, being asleep in the morning
(my good hours) when I want to play music or stream the Randi Rhodes
and Air America on the internet, etc.

I could go on, but you get the picture.

my plan was to sell my house and move to something so small I would get
_no_ company.

then, radon was discovered in my house last month, so everything is on
hold while I try to figure out what to do.

I don't have the $$$ to do the modifications necessary, and I would be
morally obligated to disclose the radon...

and I think, not to put too fine a point on it, that radon would queer
the sale.

[Pell Nilly]

Post by kathleen
know what I'm really looking forwar to? (not)
my kids coming home from college, having parties, using (expensive)
utilities, keeping me awake at night, raiding the fridge, breaking
things, leaving messes, leaving the gate open so my dog escapes,
leaving cigarette butts in the driveway, being asleep in the morning
(my good hours) when I want to play music or stream the Randi Rhodes
and Air America on the internet, etc.

How 'bout establishing and enforcing some house rules? You are, after
all, paying the bills.

Pell
tough-love shoes

[Heather Malcolm]

Tun tu tu run tat ta taaaa......


Emergency Lesbian arrives on her new form of transport - I'ts a mobility
scooter - It's got a night-black paint-job, fins, bigot-seeking missiles
(with rose petal in the warheads), alloy wheels, a desperately overclocked
electric motor and four wheel drive, but it is, unmistakably a mobility
scooter. Why? EL(tm) has Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, and has to take it easy.
Today, she has used up a lot of her energy on getting her re-appearance
wardrobe right.... Black gloves reaching beyond the elbow, black silk dress,
tight, with a flamenco flare, and ankle Manila Blahnickyawn black boots,
which she now rests on the handlebars - I mean control column - of her
mobility scooter, as she settles back for a refreshing nap. Soon she is
snoring quietly.

Half an hour later, she wakes up, surreptitiously wipes away the very
attractive dribble, and springs out of the EL(tm) tribidic Transporter (tm)
(she had to give up the tribiddic Teleporting - the spinning was making her
too dizzy).

"Mmm, Kathleen. You seem to have a passel of trouble right here in the ole
homestead."

Kathleen, already confused by the appearance of this strangely compelling
but previously unknown character, sensibly goes to get her gun.


"Hey, hold up thare Missy, Don't worry yer preddy lil' hed none- hey, well
dangle my hosswhip, I shouda switched that dagnanny contraption of...... I
say, that's much better, I'm terribly sorry Kathleen I've just had an
automatic vernacularinary installed. It's supposed to help me fit in with
the natives, what!

Kathleen eyes EM's(tm) décolletage, which is unimpeded, and tried to imagine
somewhere that would fit in.

"Ha, ha" continues EL(tm) in a nervous Bertie Wooster whiney, "I'm afraid
it heard the name Kathleen and made all sorts of unwarranted assumptions.
I've reset it to it's default setting - English Public School circa 1925. I
hope that is a little less offensive, Dear Lady ! I assure you that I shall
give your little domestic difficulty some serious thought, but perhaps for
the moment, I shall settle down for a nice nap."

Soon, EL(tm) is snoring gently again, while Kathleen sprints off to the ASLM
to read up on EL(tm)...

Story bare feet
Hev



----- Original Message -----
From: "Pell Nilly" <***@hotmail.com>
Newsgroups: alt.shoe.lesbians.moderated
To: <undisclosed-recipients:>
Sent: Wednesday, June 23, 2004 6:13 AM
Subject: Re: [ASLM] hmmmmmm

Post by kathleen
know what I'm really looking forwar to? (not)
my kids coming home from college, having parties, using (expensive)
utilities, keeping me awake at night, raiding the fridge, breaking
things, leaving messes, leaving the gate open so my dog escapes,
leaving cigarette butts in the driveway, being asleep in the morning
(my good hours) when I want to play music or stream the Randi Rhodes
and Air America on the internet, etc.

How 'bout establishing and enforcing some house rules? You are, after
all, paying the bills.

Pell
tough-love shoes
--
-----------------------------
ASLM is a moderated newsgroup.
Our webpage is at http://www.shoelesbians.com
The archive is at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/aslm_archive/

Post directly to alt-shoe-lesbians-***@moderators.isc.org
Questions? Contact the mods at aslm+***@panix.com

[s***@europa.com]

Post by Heather Malcolm
Soon, EL(tm) is snoring gently again, while Kathleen sprints off to the
ASLM to read up on EL(tm)...

and kathleen did that right here:

http://www.shoelesbians.com/writings/el1.htm

sarah heather cardin
url boots

[Heather Malcolm]

----- Original Message -----
From: "Heather Malcolm" <***@blueyonder.co.uk>
Newsgroups: alt.shoe.lesbians.moderated
To: <undisclosed-recipients:>
Sent: Wednesday, June 23, 2004 5:26 PM
Subject: Re: [ASLM] hmmmmmm

Post by Heather Malcolm
Tun tu tu run tat ta taaaa......
Emergency Lesbian arrives on her new form of transport - I'ts a mobility
scooter - It's got a night-black paint-job, fins, bigot-seeking missiles
(with rose petal in the warheads), alloy wheels, a desperately overclocked
electric motor and four wheel drive, but it is, unmistakably a mobility
scooter. Why? EL(tm) has Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, and has to take it easy.
Today, she has used up a lot of her energy on getting her re-appearance
wardrobe right.... Black gloves reaching beyond the elbow, black silk dress,
tight, with a flamenco flare, and ankle Manila Blahnickyawn black boots,
which she now rests on the handlebars - I mean control column - of her
mobility scooter, as she settles back for a refreshing nap. Soon she is
snoring quietly.
Half an hour later, she wakes up, surreptitiously wipes away the very
attractive dribble, and springs out of the EL(tm) tribidic Transporter (tm)
(she had to give up the tribiddic Teleporting - the spinning was making her
too dizzy).
"Mmm, Kathleen. You seem to have a passel of trouble right here in the ole
homestead."
Kathleen, already confused by the appearance of this strangely compelling
but previously unknown character, sensibly goes to get her gun.
"Hey, hold up thare Missy, Don't worry yer preddy lil' hed none- hey, well
dangle my hosswhip, I shouda switched that dagnanny contraption of...... I
say, that's much better, I'm terribly sorry Kathleen I've just had an
automatic vernacularinary installed. It's supposed to help me fit in with
the natives, what!
Kathleen eyes EM's(tm) décolletage, which is unimpeded, and tried to imagine
somewhere that would fit in.
"Ha, ha" continues EL(tm) in a nervous Bertie Wooster whiney, "I'm afraid
it heard the name Kathleen and made all sorts of unwarranted assumptions.
I've reset it to it's default setting - English Public School circa 1925. I
hope that is a little less offensive, Dear Lady ! I assure you that I shall
give your little domestic difficulty some serious thought, but perhaps for
the moment, I shall settle down for a nice nap."
Soon, EL(tm) is snoring gently again, while Kathleen sprints off to the ASLM
to read up on EL(tm)...

Shnnug, spruff.. EL(tm) has woken up and is trying to untangle herself from
the highly complex controls of the Tribidic Transporter(tm). "Rassen Fassen,
bulstarly" Sometime, EL(tm) can be a bit grumpy when she's tired, so instead
of trying ot get any sense out of the Vernaculator, she digs around in her
bustle, emerges with a dog-eared note which she hands to Kathleen. It reads:

Problem: my kids coming home from college, having parties:

Solution: Join in! I'm sure they'd enjoy your company: perhaps bring along
some of your favourite music to use as an accompianment to a detailed and
lengthy slideshow documenting the trials and tribulations of thier youthful
adventures. Don't miss out and especialy intersting shots of really lovely
hairstyles or fashion adventures.

Problem: using (expensive) utilities:

Solution: Tell them they can only use the electricity they make themselves
beforehand by using a generator attached to the vaccuum cleaner.

Problem: leaving the gate open so my dog escapes:

Solution: Clip the human end of the dog lead to their most intimate
personal piercing, spot weld it in place, and remove all files, grinders and
cold chisels.

Problem: being asleep in the morning

Post by Heather Malcolm
(my good hours) when I want to play music or stream the Randi Rhodes
and Air America on the internet, etc.

Solution: Hey - do it anyway, if you have any eneergy left!

Hev,
g'nigh slippers

[Pengwin Gal]

Post by Heather Malcolm
Emergency Lesbian arrives on her new form of transport - I'ts a mobility
scooter - It's got a night-black paint-job, fins, bigot-seeking missiles
(with rose petal in the warheads), alloy wheels, a desperately overclocked
electric motor and four wheel drive, but it is, unmistakably a mobility
scooter. Why? EL(tm) has Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, and has to take it

easy.

but does it have a sidecar for a sidekick?

pg
webbed feet

[Heather Rose Jones]

Post by Pengwin Gal

Post by Heather Malcolm
Emergency Lesbian arrives on her new form of transport - I'ts a mobility
scooter - It's got a night-black paint-job, fins, bigot-seeking missiles
(with rose petal in the warheads), alloy wheels, a desperately overclocked
electric motor and four wheel drive, but it is, unmistakably a mobility
scooter. Why? EL(tm) has Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, and has to take it

easy.

but does it have a sidecar for a sidekick?

Ohmighosh! Is it ... is it ... a pengwin gal? **waves wildly**

Heather
feathered toes, in honor
--
****
Heather Rose Jones
***@earthlink.net
****

[Heather Malcolm]

----- Original Message -----
From: "Heather Rose Jones" <***@earthlink.net>
Newsgroups: alt.shoe.lesbians.moderated
To: <undisclosed-recipients:>
Sent: Friday, June 25, 2004 6:05 AM
Subject: Re: [ASLM] hmmmmmm

Post by Heather Rose Jones

Post by Pengwin Gal

Post by Heather Malcolm
Emergency Lesbian arrives on her new form of transport - I'ts a mobility
scooter - It's got a night-black paint-job, fins, bigot-seeking missiles
(with rose petal in the warheads), alloy wheels, a desperately overclocked
electric motor and four wheel drive, but it is, unmistakably a mobility
scooter. Why? EL(tm) has Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, and has to take it

easy.

but does it have a sidecar for a sidekick?

Didn't I mention it's a *tandem* mobility scooter?

Post by Heather Rose Jones
Ohmighosh! Is it ... is it ... a pengwin gal? **waves wildly**
Heather
feathered toes, in honor
--
****
Heather Rose Jones
****
--
-----------------------------
ASLM is a moderated newsgroup.
Our webpage is at http://www.shoelesbians.com
The archive is at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/aslm_archive/

[Pengwin Gal]

<pg does some snippage here and there>
EL (tm) describes the all new superheroine mobile:
mobility scooter - It's got a night-black paint-job, fins,
bigot-seeking
missiles (with rose petal in the warheads), alloy wheels, a
desperately
overclocked electric motor and four wheel drive, but it is,
unmistakably a

PG (tm) SS (tm) to EL (tm)- [she always did hate it that i've got more
'tm's than she does <eg>] asks the question:

but does it have a sidecar for a sidekick?

EL (tm) [who always makes sure that her fave sidekick is taken care
of] replies:

Didn't I mention it's a *tandem* mobility scooter?

Post by Heather Rose Jones
Ohmighosh! Is it ... is it ... a pengwin gal? **waves wildly**
Heather
feathered toes, in honor

now PG:
HOLEY SHOE!!!! i've been double-heathered!!!! hi grrls!! (flaps a wing
in return)
i've been on a supersecret mission and away from shoe for such a long
time. i desperately need a t'killya at the VB. (tequila and root beer
for those who are unfamiliar with the odd alcoholic cravings of a
pengwin)

pg
feets settling down for a nice long chat in the near future and
beginning to do some stretches for a couple of long overdue waddle...
waddle... waddle... splat!
oh darn, missed the bar stool again. can someone please lift me up, or
get my auto lift chair out of the pool?

[Chrissl]

Post by Heather Malcolm
Emergency Lesbian arrives on her new form of transport - I'ts a mobility
scooter - It's got a night-black paint-job, fins, bigot-seeking missiles
(with rose petal in the warheads), alloy wheels, a desperately overclocked
electric motor and four wheel drive, but it is, unmistakably a mobility
scooter. Why? EL(tm) has Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, and has to take it easy.
Today, she has used up a lot of her energy on getting her re-appearance
wardrobe right.... Black gloves reaching beyond the elbow, black silk dress,
tight, with a flamenco flare, and ankle Manila Blahnickyawn black boots,
which she now rests on the handlebars - I mean control column - of her
mobility scooter, as she settles back for a refreshing nap. Soon she is
snoring quietly.

Wooohooo! It's EL(tm) _AND_ Pengwin Gal!!

Soo.......... sounds like EL(tm) has been remodeling all sorts of
things while you've been away on that secret mission, PG! New
scooter, new (if still somewhat experimental...) Vernaculator, new
outfits ..... and I'd bet she's been remodeling the ol' digs in
Lesbos, too! Plasma TV? new computer? superhyperextradynamicspeedy
Internet connections? Do tell!

Post by Heather Malcolm
Just give me a Dyke in distress, and I'll be there... c'mon, somebody out
there my be having some trouble? Difficulty with opening a tin? Got a
squeaky door? Lost something trivial? EL(tm) is ready to help with any of
your littel problems...

Hmmmmm. My front door is back to sticking at the bottom, now that the
soil's dried out from the winter. I live in a quaint, quiet, and
slightly elderly little duplex (older than I am, anyway), but the
front of the house moves up and down almost an inch between winter
and summer. Now when I head out to work in the morning, I have to put
everything I'm carrying down, lay onto the doorknob with BOTH hands,
and give three or four good hard YANKS to get it to come loose.

(At least the cats can't get out without my noticing....:)

Can EL(tm) fix this kind of thing long distance, or would it require
a <gasp> house call?
--
________________________________________>^..^<__________
() Chrissl
+ <group fantasy sandals>
_______________________________________________>^..^<___

[cyn########]

Post by Pengwin Gal
HOLEY SHOE!!!! i've been double-heathered!!!!

I am so insanely jealous.


cyn#
shoes at the cafe

[Heather Rose Jones]

Post by cyn########

Post by Pengwin Gal
HOLEY SHOE!!!! i've been double-heathered!!!!

I am so insanely jealous.

Clearly we'll have to arrange a triple or quadruple heathering for
the Cyns. Although it might get tough if we're calculating average
heathers per personality.

Heather
(no shoes at the moment because I'm taking advantage of my new
wireless dsl connection for my laptop and the fact that it's a Sunday
and I don't have to be anywhere, and besides which I was up until 2am
last night writing an essay on sources for researching Hallstadt-era
textiles and clothing, and so I confess that I'm posting from bed
totally nekkid! There, does that make up for something?)
--
****
Heather Rose Jones
***@earthlink.net
****

[lastoutlaw]

Post by Heather Malcolm
Heather
(no shoes at the moment because I'm taking advantage of my new
wireless dsl connection for my laptop and the fact that it's a Sunday
and I don't have to be anywhere, and besides which I was up until 2am
last night writing an essay on sources for researching Hallstadt-era
textiles and clothing, and so I confess that I'm posting from bed
totally nekkid! There, does that make up for something?)

^^^^^^^^^^^
<crawling out from under the bar cabinet, popping up at full attention>

You rang? ...and I'd say you don't need any shoes...why ruin it? <wink>

lastoutlaw
BT boots that have been away so long
they are beyond dusting off...
maybe I should trade in for a new pair?

[Heather Rose Jones]

Post by Pengwin Gal

Post by Heather Rose Jones
Ohmighosh! Is it ... is it ... a pengwin gal? **waves wildly**
Heather
feathered toes, in honor

HOLEY SHOE!!!! i've been double-heathered!!!! hi grrls!! (flaps a wing
in return)
i've been on a supersecret mission and away from shoe for such a long
time. i desperately need a t'killya at the VB. (tequila and root beer
for those who are unfamiliar with the odd alcoholic cravings of a
pengwin)

Dare I ask how the academic pursuits are turning out? (Or is that
part of the supersecret stuff?) And the chick must be getting on
towards half-fledged these days. Here, give her a couple of sardines
from the bar on me.

Heather
(shoes off at the moment to count how long it's been since the summer
I hit the folk vegetable with the pengwins)
--
****
Heather Rose Jones
***@earthlink.net
****

[Steph Barrett]

Last week, reading by webmail at work, I heard the flap of little,
flightless wings and sure enough, a penguin waddled into the VB sporting a

Post by Pengwin Gal
but does it have a sidecar for a sidekick?

I downed my scotch (seeing as this was the VB... I was not drinking real
scotch at work) and did a double take.

Sure enough... none other than The PG and not looking at all like she'd
just been fished from the jello pool.

How about some updates on what people have been up to in the last...
ohhhh... 2 or so years since it got Very Quiet at shoe? I'll start <grin>

I have a new job as a State Lady. On my card it says "child protective",
but people call me state lady or even simply "The State". As you might
guess by that moniker, I surely have gained weight. I've been a state lady
since March. Pay's not bad and benefits are excellent. You know your state
is in huge economic trouble when the best job you can get for money and
benefits is a state social worker job.

Anyway, this new job ends about 2 years of unemployment for me. I did the
federal contract job for 3 months of that and did some guiding as well, but
this is the most steadiest and benefited job... The down side is that I
have myself deep enough into debt from all the unemployed time that even
with a good wage I still need to get a weekend job to pay my bills. I can't
even express how frustrating it is to be sitting in a lovely house on the
lake with a $20000 tied up in the back yard and no gas to make it go.

I'm hoping the price of fuel continues to come down, as our mileage rate
certainly didn't go up. Right now, the reimbursement rate of $.32/ mile
doesn't cover operating costs, maintenance, insurance, and depreciation.
Some people in my office drive over 40,000 annually for work.

Anyway... with the new job and the new home, life wouldn't be complete
without a new honey... not so new actually... We've been dating a year and
a half and I moved in officially after I got the job. We're a bad
combination... Cancer and Aquarian, but when we can work around speaking
two different languages (it seems) we do ok. We currently staff the house
with a Golden Retriever, Gordy, and three cats. Another dog, Scoutie, just
moved out. Scout was an aussie and kept Gordy out of trouble.

The cats are another crowd. Mittens is the old lady... 12-13. She meows
under the bedroom door if she knows I'm awake to say "can". I swear this
cat asks for a can by name. Hank is tall and handsome... 14 pounds of
solid, muscular grey tiger. He has coon in him for his size, black feet and
facial coloring. After a snow you'd swear we had a bobcat on the deck.
Louie is a fat, pin-headed orange cat. Also 14 pounds, he is not nearly so
tall or muscular as Hank, but he is athletic. We plan to keep Hank, but will
be seeking a new home for Louie soon. He ended up with us somewhat
unexpectedly and I don't love him so much that we couldn't let him go.

Anyway... And Gordy is very special, but aside from dog proofing the
kitchen these days, we don't think much about his specialness.

So... that's what I've been up to. Everyone else?

Steph
matronly, state lady orthopedic shoes

[cyn########]

On 23 Jun 2004 12:26:09 -0400, an Emissary from the wild blue yonder,
by the name of "Heather Malcolm" <***@blueyonder.co.uk>,
proved, (quite stylishly), that there is indeed life beyond the
transatlantic. Verily, Gentle Reader, the flash of a scooter heralded
the return of the living embodiment of lesbian hopes and desires --
and lo, the earth held still in anticipation of the distinctive siren
call unique to the Emergency Lesbian(tm)...

Post by Heather Malcolm
Tun tu tu run tat ta taaaa......

[Thousands of women squeal in unabashed delight, then proceed to faint
in a dead heap, awaiting rescue from the mysterious, yet much beloved,
heroine from afar.]

(Well, what did you expect? It's been years since we've had any
rescueing 'round here.)

....and so, from this day forth, aslm was witness to the many
adventures of Emergency Lesbian(tm). <g>

Yo!

EL(tm)!! Wake up. That was a hint.
<cyn# raises an eyebrow in challenge>


[...]

Post by Heather Malcolm
Kathleen eyes EM's(tm) décolletage, which is unimpeded, and tried to imagine
somewhere that would fit in.

Oh my. <cyn#'s eyes glaze over at this imagery>
Thud!

Post by Heather Malcolm
Soon, EL(tm) is snoring gently again, while Kathleen sprints off to the ASLM
to read up on EL(tm)...
Story bare feet
Hev

We want more! We want more!


cyn#
(speaking for all of my selves)
shoes wondering if EL(tm) likes koalas

--
Hi Kay!!!!!!!!!! :-)

[kay]

Post by cyn########
Hi Kay!!!!!!!!!! :-)

and in the DC sky, there is a warm glow.

kay
barefeet pondering cleavage

[cyn########]

On 30 Jun 2004 22:06:00 -0400, "kay" <***@mindspring.com>, whose
own posts have become a rare and wonderful thing, puffed up my head
lol. You're too good to me. I cringed at my wordiness -- I'm out of
practice at posting, and it shoes.

Post by kay

Post by cyn########
Hi Kay!!!!!!!!!! :-)

and in the DC sky, there is a warm glow.

The glow's warmer up here. Thank-you.

Post by kay
kay
barefeet pondering cleavage

Hmmm...well, perhaps I'll just sidle up next to you and join you in
your ponderings. <salicious wink> Give it a day, and we'll see
fireworks...


cyn64
feet willing to go bare

[Heather Malcolm]

In her delicately worder missive, Cyn#
We want more! We want more!

Just give me a Dyke in distress, and I'll be there... c'mon, somebody out
there my be having some trouble? Difficulty with opening a tin? Got a
squeaky door? Lost something trivial? EL(tm) is ready to help with any of
your littel problems...

Heather

[s***@europa.com]

Post by Heather Malcolm

In her delicately worder missive, Cyn#
We want more! We want more!

Just give me a Dyke in distress, and I'll be there... c'mon, somebody out
there my be having some trouble? Difficulty with opening a tin? Got a
squeaky door? Lost something trivial? EL(tm) is ready to help with any of
your littel problems...

well, i don't know that it's a *little* problem, but there's this guy
living in the white house who's been a real pain in the butt to almost
everyone ... perhaps el(tm) could look into how to get rid of him?

sarah heather cardin
boots grasping at any straw

[Heather Malcolm]

Post by s***@europa.com

Post by Heather Malcolm

In her delicately worder missive, Cyn#
We want more! We want more!

Just give me a Dyke in distress, and I'll be there... c'mon, somebody out
there my be having some trouble? Difficulty with opening a tin? Got a
squeaky door? Lost something trivial? EL(tm) is ready to help with any of
your littel problems...

SHC said...

Post by s***@europa.com
well, i don't know that it's a *little* problem, but there's this guy
living in the white house who's been a real pain in the butt to almost
everyone ... perhaps el(tm) could look into how to get rid of him?

EL(tm) sets off for the White House with a determined look in her eye, and a
few books under her arm:

"Logic for Beginners - E.G. Those Who Have *No* Concept of Cause and Effect"

"Things Adolf Hitler Said, And Why We Shouldn't Repeat Them" (EL(tm) has
put a marker in the chaper called "If You're Not With Us, Then You're
Against Us"

"How to Win Friends and Influence People"

and finally

a full set of "The Cat inthe Hat" for recreation.

Heather
two left wing tips

[Steph Barrett]

Post by Heather Malcolm
Just give me a Dyke in distress, and I'll be there... c'mon, somebody out
there my be having some trouble?

Well, let me tell my tale of woe and see what EL has to offer... This
morning, my young but prolific mom of 5... shit. She has five kids she
can't take care of. I substantiated her a few weeks back for neglect. I'm
going to have to do it again for medical neglect based on a new report I got
yesterday. So then, this morning I get a call from anther provider and it
turns out she's expecting number SIX. Eerk.

<sigh> So I decide to go out and see her. She's been ducking me like the
plague. Changed phone number... mail is not getting there... So I hop in
my dykmomobile, my five star safety rated ford windstar and head on over.
And get in a fucking accident. Fault is a little sketchy at this point, but
if they call it no fault (likely) I have a $500 deductible. My rental
insurance covers 80%, not the 100 that I thought it did. I have $80 in the
bank and had only $20 to cover me till next Wednesday for food and fuel. My
next payroll period looks the same.
The other vehicle was totaled. I'm not so sure about my van... I could
hope for it totaled, because I have gap insurance and it would pay off the
note. BUT, if it is totaled and the gap is covered and the note paid off, I
highly doubt anyone else will lend to me to replace it. My financial
situation is horrible right now. If it gets repaired, I suspect the type of
damage it suffered will cause lasting problems, no matter how good the fix.
I'm at a loss and waiting to hear from State Farm to get my next lead.
I think, perhaps, at least I'll call in tomorrow. Starting to stiffen up
now.

Steph
boat shoes

[Heather Malcolm]

Post by Steph Barrett

Post by Heather Malcolm
Just give me a Dyke in distress, and I'll be there... c'mon, somebody out
there my be having some trouble?

Well, let me tell my tale of woe and see what EL has to offer... This
morning, my young but prolific mom of 5... shit. She has five kids she
can't take care of. I substantiated her a few weeks back for neglect.

I'm

Post by Steph Barrett
going to have to do it again for medical neglect based on a new report I got
yesterday. So then, this morning I get a call from anther provider and it
turns out she's expecting number SIX. Eerk.
<sigh> So I decide to go out and see her. She's been ducking me like the
plague. Changed phone number... mail is not getting there... So I hop in
my dykmomobile, my five star safety rated ford windstar and head on over.
And get in a fucking accident. Fault is a little sketchy at this point, but
if they call it no fault (likely) I have a $500 deductible. My rental
insurance covers 80%, not the 100 that I thought it did. I have $80 in the
bank and had only $20 to cover me till next Wednesday for food and fuel.

My

Post by Steph Barrett
next payroll period looks the same.
The other vehicle was totaled. I'm not so sure about my van... I could
hope for it totaled, because I have gap insurance and it would pay off the
note. BUT, if it is totaled and the gap is covered and the note paid off, I
highly doubt anyone else will lend to me to replace it. My financial
situation is horrible right now. If it gets repaired, I suspect the type of
damage it suffered will cause lasting problems, no matter how good the fix.
I'm at a loss and waiting to hear from State Farm to get my next lead.
I think, perhaps, at least I'll call in tomorrow. Starting to stiffen up
now.
Steph
boat shoes

EL(tm) considers...

Ok, it goes like this.

1. Cash in three A10s strike aircraft, 5 Sea King helicopters, one
Presidential Entourage, one Prime Ministerial Post-Colonial Misadventure or
a vanishingly small proportion of either the UK or USA "defence" budget

2. Use the money to end poverty and create social justice.

Heather
Further left wing tips

[Heather Rose Jones]

Post by Heather Malcolm

In her delicately worder missive, Cyn#
We want more! We want more!

Just give me a Dyke in distress, and I'll be there... c'mon, somebody out
there my be having some trouble? Difficulty with opening a tin? Got a
squeaky door? Lost something trivial? EL(tm) is ready to help with any of
your littel problems...

Um ... I don't suppose EL mows lawns? (Didn't you mention scythe
blades on the scooter wheels?) I definitely have difficulty with
yard work at the moment. Won't someone help me in my distress?

Ok, so it's pretty pathetic as an emergency.

Heather
(tall boots)
--
****
Heather Rose Jones
***@earthlink.net
****

[felice]

Je mardo, 22 junio 2004 13:56:57 -0400 (EDT),

Post by Heather Malcolm
Tun tun ra ta ra ra!!!!
EL(tm) hobbles in, peers around dustily says Hi!, then stumbles back out
again

Back out again??? Oh no, that's quite unacceptable.

*bounces out the door, grabs EL, and guides her rapdily back inside and
on to the comfy couches in the VB before she has time to react*

Baaartender! It looks like our visitor is in need of something liquid!

Oh, by the way, hello, I'm felice... I don't think we've met before,
though I've heard so much about you 8)

felice
s^uoj

[Sarah Heather Cardin]

Post by Heather Rose Jones

Post by Heather Malcolm
Tun tun ra ta ra ra!!!!
EL(tm) hobbles in, peers around dustily says Hi!, then stumbles back out
again

Surely we can come up with an emergency that will entice EL to stick
around? Perhaps we could discover Weapons of Mass Destruction under
the bar or something.

actually, i'd rather introduce EL (tm) to the Weapons of Mass Distraction :)

sarah heather cardin
boots with plans

http://www.pacificviews.org
http://magpieblog.blogspot.com

[h***@prexar.com]

Post by Sarah Heather Cardin
actually, i'd rather introduce EL (tm) to the Weapons of Mass Distraction

:)
Hmmmm... I'd always imagined that EL had her own weapons of mass
distraction. Mmuuph! mfff muph..

Steph
feet in love with clevage

[s***@europa.com]

Post by h***@prexar.com

Post by Sarah Heather Cardin
actually, i'd rather introduce EL (tm) to the Weapons of Mass
Distraction

:)
Hmmmm... I'd always imagined that EL had her own weapons of mass
distraction. Mmuuph! mfff muph..

i've been busy during her absence.

sarah heather cardin
boots that got to work entirely too early today

[kathleen]

Post by Pell Nilly

Post by kathleen
know what I'm really looking forwar to? (not)

How 'bout establishing and enforcing some house rules?
You are, after all, paying the bills.

I did.

1. no effin' company after 10 pm (except SOs, pref _1_ at a time)
2. no smoking (anything) inside (or outside, for the other)
3. no late incoming phone calls
4. no loud music or TV after 11 pm
5. you break it, you bought it...
6. have your parties elsewhere
7. "parties" does NOT mean 30+ people, it means more than _5_!
8. you cook it, you freakin' wash up after it!
9. no leaving all the lights on. I do _not_ hold stock in P G & E
(aka: Pacific Graft & Extortion)

suddenly, my daughter decided to spend 90% of her time at her bf's
house near Stanford U... my son decided to take a summer job near
*his* uni, and my other loinfruit is job-hunting to be able to afford
his own place.

kathleen
shoes humming: "cracking down is hard to do..."
(but ever so rewarding)


=====
"First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win."
-- Mahatma Gandhi

[kathleen]

Post by s***@europa.com

Post by Heather Malcolm
Soon, EL(tm) is snoring gently again, while Kathleen sprints
off to the ASLM to read up on EL(tm)...

http://www.shoelesbians.com/writings/el1.htm

being that I've been Temporarily Insane(TM) for the last 2.3 yrs, I've
lowered the tone in shoe by posting innumerable political-type
thingies, and forgotten to flirt (except, of course, with the
ever-lovely, talented wordsmithette, and lately-MIA cyn#####)...

I hereby resolve to, henceforth, post only sapphically libidinous
literary lollapaloozas...

and leave the dirty politicking to stupid white men.

in case of backsliding, I humbly request tribadic teleportation(tm) to
the nearest dominatrically-inclined shoe willing to administer the
appropriate punishment to my penitent but pillowy derriere.

kathleen
bare feet, as usual

[kathleen]

Post by felice
Je mardo, 22 junio 2004 13:56:57 -0400 (EDT),

Post by Heather Malcolm
EL(tm) hobbles in, peers around dustily says Hi!, then
stumbles back out again

Back out again??? Oh no, that's quite unacceptable.
*bounces out the door, grabs EL, and guides her rapdily back
inside and on to the comfy couches in the VB before she has
time to react*
Baaartender! It looks like our visitor is in need of something
liquid!

with all the propriety (and propinquity) she is well known for,
kathleen sidles over to the twosome at the bar before felice can get EL
all googley-eyed, and slips sidewise betwixt them, to put forward her
case for attention...

"I was here first..." kathleen giggled coquetishly, adjusting her
low-cut dress to reveal half-moons of tempting turgidity...

ks
_no_ suoj

[Heather Malcolm]

Post by kathleen

Post by felice

Post by Heather Malcolm
EL(tm) hobbles in, peers around dustily says Hi!, then
stumbles back out again

Back out again??? Oh no, that's quite unacceptable.
*bounces out the door, grabs EL, and guides her rapdily back
inside and on to the comfy couches in the VB before she has
time to react*
Baaartender! It looks like our visitor is in need of something
liquid!

"Well liddle ladee, that's mightee kindaya" El(tm) says, then she pushes her
thumbs into an imaginary gun-belt, and spits inot ewhere a spitton would be
if there was on in the VB. EL(tm) looks distressed, reaches into her
Cleavage, fiddles, then tries again

"Whaaay thenk you so muach". The Vernaculator has now swiched into Southern
Belle mode, and additionally has caused EL(tm) to flutter her eyelashes,
push out her chest, and make fanning motions with her left hand while
stroking Felice's arm seductively. She reaches for her Cleavage again...

Post by kathleen
with all the propriety (and propinquity) she is well known for,
kathleen sidles over to the twosome at the bar before felice can get EL
all googley-eyed, and slips sidewise betwixt them, to put forward her
case for attention...

And changes her mind.... "wayull hai theyur shuga..." she purrs

Post by kathleen
"I was here first..." kathleen giggled coquetishly, adjusting her
low-cut dress to reveal half-moons of tempting turgidity...

Naw theyn gells, theyure's enough to go arauynd...

Will someone help poor old EL(tm) before she decends yet further into the
netherword of stereotypical parody?

Hev

[h***@prexar.com]

Post by kathleen
"I was here first..." kathleen giggled coquetishly, adjusting her
low-cut dress to reveal half-moons of tempting turgidity...

With a <thud> to rival any the Cyns could ever produce, I hit the floor,
stunned by so forward a move.

Steph
dirty feet on the floor thinking that a fainting spell will score a peek up
the dresses at the bar

[Mary McCool]

Post by Heather Malcolm
Tun tun ra ta ra ra!!!!
EL(tm) hobbles in, peers around dustily says Hi!, then stumbles back
out again
Heather
Happy to be back bare feet

Hhhhhheeeeeevvvvv! It's so good to see you. :-)

Welcome back.

Mary
toes suddenly warmer seeing Hev back at shoe

[felice]

The Civil Unions Bill in New Zealand passed its first reading this afternoon,
and goes on to the select committee process now. Once it's passed, this will
give same sex couples the ability to register their relationships, with
virtually all the same rights as marriage. It's not as good as actual
marriage, but still a Good Thing.

felice
civilly unionizable boots... if only they had someone to unite with

[Devra]

Post by Heather Rose Jones
Ohmighosh! Is it ... is it ... a pengwin gal? **waves wildly**
Heather
feathered toes, in honor

all sorts of shoes coming out of the woodwork these days, eh?

dev
work boots spreading waves and kisses all around

[Mary McCool]

Post by Heather Malcolm

In her delicately worder missive, Cyn#
We want more! We want more!

Just give me a Dyke in distress, and I'll be there... c'mon, somebody
out there my be having some trouble? Difficulty with opening a tin?
Got a squeaky door? Lost something trivial? EL(tm) is ready to help
with any of your littel problems...
Heather

Some might consider it trivial, but I think I've been losing my mind lately! Actually I'm
blaming it on the stress of overworking, but since after today I am taking a 4 day
weekend (including a vacation day and a holiday) maybe things will improve.
However, if EL(tm) could help me recover, I'd appreciate it.

While we are at it, does EL(tm) need help finding her shoes/feet/footware?

Mary
tired feet

[Mary McCool]

Post by Heather Malcolm

Post by s***@europa.com

Post by Heather Malcolm

In her delicately worder missive, Cyn#
We want more! We want more!

Just give me a Dyke in distress, and I'll be there... c'mon,
somebody

out

Post by s***@europa.com

Post by Heather Malcolm
there my be having some trouble? Difficulty with opening a tin?
Got a squeaky door? Lost something trivial? EL(tm) is ready to
help with any

of

Post by s***@europa.com

Post by Heather Malcolm
your littel problems...

SHC said...

Post by s***@europa.com
well, i don't know that it's a *little* problem, but there's this
guy living in the white house who's been a real pain in the butt to
almost everyone ... perhaps el(tm) could look into how to get rid of
him?

EL(tm) sets off for the White House with a determined look in her eye,
"Logic for Beginners - E.G. Those Who Have *No* Concept of Cause and
Effect"
"Things Adolf Hitler Said, And Why We Shouldn't Repeat Them" (EL(tm)
has put a marker in the chaper called "If You're Not With Us, Then
You're Against Us"
"How to Win Friends and Influence People"
and finally
a full set of "The Cat inthe Hat" for recreation.

Dr. Seuss might be a bit too advanced for Dubya. After all, he was listening to
second graders read "The Pet Goat" on the morning of 9/11, and he couldn't tear
himself away from that for a full 7 minutes. I've read the suggestion that Michael
Moore should have left the full 7 minutes of that video in his movie, but the moments
we saw were pitiful enough. Has anybody else seen Fahrenheit 9/11? I went last
Saturday. It only opened in two theatres here last week, fortunately one of those is
my neighborhood theater. I laughed, I cried, and I applauded at the end along with
the rest of the audience. The only thing better would have had EL(tm) in the movie,
too!

Mary
white sox with pink toes

[Mary McCool]

Post by Heather Malcolm
EL(tm) considers...
Ok, it goes like this.
1. Cash in three A10s strike aircraft, 5 Sea King helicopters, one
Presidential Entourage, one Prime Ministerial Post-Colonial
Misadventure or a vanishingly small proportion of either the UK or USA
"defence" budget
2. Use the money to end poverty and create social justice.
Heather
Further left wing tips

That puts me in mind of the old line which has been around since our fiasco in
Vietnam:

"It will be a great day when our schools get all the money they need and the air force
has to hold a bakesale to buy a bomber."

Mary
tired left feet

[Devra]

lastoutlaw

Post by lastoutlaw
<crawling out from under the bar cabinet, popping up at full attention>
You rang? ...and I'd say you don't need any shoes...why ruin it? <wink>
lastoutlaw
BT boots that have been away so long
they are beyond dusting off...
maybe I should trade in for a new pair?

i just don't know if i can handle this... heathers and el's and penguins
and bt's and all sorts of assorted (tm)'s... it's a regular old home week
around here! keep this up and i might just have to dig out that old
feather...i'm sure it's around here somewhere...

dev
feeties attached to lips that are smooching everyone all around...

[Mary McCool]

Post by lastoutlaw
<crawling out from under the bar cabinet, popping up at full
attention>
You rang? ...and I'd say you don't need any shoes...why ruin it?
<wink>
lastoutlaw
BT boots that have been away so long
they are beyond dusting off...
maybe I should trade in for a new pair?

It's summertime, at least in our hemisphere, so I think you oughta be wearing
flipflops anyway!

Great to see you, BT!

Mary
cold toes

[m***@spiritone.com]

as someone else noted, shoes are crawling out of the woodwork!

Post by Mary McCool

Post by lastoutlaw
<crawling out from under the bar cabinet, popping up at full
attention>

woo hoo! lastoutlaw's here too! Now, is that military attention, or saphic attention?

Post by Mary McCool

Post by lastoutlaw
lastoutlaw
BT boots that have been away so long
they are beyond dusting off...
maybe I should trade in for a new pair?

It's summertime, at least in our hemisphere, so I think you oughta be
wearing flipflops anyway!

do you think all this activity might even scare up a few more antipodians?

Post by Mary McCool
Great to see you, BT!

great to see everyone!

and just to give this post a bit more substance, I'll tell you a bit about what I've been up
to...

First of all, while I finished my undergrad program in december, I did actually go to my
graduation -- and found out that I'd been honored with the Carol A. Lindemen award for
"nursing excellence, innovative leadership and a vision for healthcare." You have to
nominated by someone on the faculty and then they vote. I was gobsmaked!

Work has gone well -- I'm starting to feel like I have a clue about what I'm doing, and it
sure is nice to have a solid paycheck.

And Sunny and I just got back (around 4 a.m. this morning) from a trip to my sister's
land on the Wind River in Wyoming (about 75 miles southeast of Yellowstone for those
familiar w/U.S. geography). It's absolutely glorious there -- mountains, the river hemmed
by cottonwood tress, high desert with late wildflowers and cactus in bloom, bald eagles
flying overhead. And my sister's "campground" with the most amazing camp kitchen, a
very sweet sauna, a very civilized outhouse, sleeping/tent platforms and a couple of
outbuildings. We rode horses, floated down the river, saunaed, hiked, ate, drank, shot
off fireworks, hiked and enjoyed the company of 9 adults and 11 kids (well, young adults
all around 17-19 y.o.). Sunny found lots of wonderful rocks to add to her rock garden,
and and I got some good time in w/my sister and my niece and nephew. All in all a
wonderful time was had.

And now, I must work tomorrow, so I'm off to bed.

miriam arachne/mirjami lukki
feet with mosquito bites


magic is the deliberate manipulation
of coincidence

[lastoutlaw]

Post by m***@spiritone.com

Post by lastoutlaw
<crawling out from under the bar cabinet, popping up at full attention>

woo hoo! lastoutlaw's here too! Now, is that military attention, or saphic attention?

saphic, of course! i gave up the other.... <grin>

Post by m***@spiritone.com

Post by lastoutlaw

Post by lastoutlaw
lastoutlaw
BT boots that have been away so long
they are beyond dusting off...
maybe I should trade in for a new pair?

It's summertime, at least in our hemisphere, so I think you oughta be
wearing flipflops anyway!

Sounds good to me!

Post by m***@spiritone.com
First of all, while I finished my undergrad program in december, I did actually go to my
graduation -- and found out that I'd been honored with the Carol A. Lindemen award for
"nursing excellence, innovative leadership and a vision for healthcare." You have to
nominated by someone on the faculty and then they vote. I was gobsmaked!

congratulations miriam! it was well deserved and it sounds like you had a
great weekend
in wyoming. you make it sound beautiful, and another addition of my list of
places to visit.

lastoutlaw
home-owner shoes headed to the new place now to finish cleaning and
preparing
to move...(clean? you may wonder? the last owner dissed me and left a
mess...sigh)